National Cleavage Day

Today, whilst busy redesigning this blog with more alterations than Jordan has had boob jobs, I was reliably informed that it is National Cleavage Day. Since that moment, I have spent a good few hours 'researching' the topic of this blog, which will of course be cleavage - it's a tough job, but somebody has to do it! I don't want to turn this into a sexist, chauvanistic blog focussing purely on the female form, however this could prove impossible so I apologise in advance!

Before I make your trousers bulge and your eyeballs orgasm with a plethora of pictures, I will provide a brief history of National Cleavage Day:
It was started by Wonderbra in 2002.

Right, now we've got the boring stuff out of the way, on with the pictures. I did ask for nominations on Twitter for #nationalcleavageday Best Cleavage Award, however my 14 followers failed to muster a single vote, so it's all down to me!

ACTOL National Cleavage Day Awards - Top 5

In 5th place, with a whopping 0 votes, Salma Hayek:

With bigger fun-bags than a children's playcentre, Salma Hayek weighs in with 36-C's.

Verdict: Cuddly

In 4th place, with a staggering 0 votes, Halle Berry:

With hooters the size of the Great Wall of China, Halle Berry also packs a pair of 36-C's.

Verdict: Motorboatable

In 3rd place, with a stonking 0 votes, Scarlett Johannson:

With the equivalent of the Himalayan mountain range on her chest, Scarlett brings a duo of 34-DD's to the party.

Verdict: Pillows

In a close 2nd place, with an exceptional 0 votes, Holly Willoughbooby:

With a nickname of Holly Willoughbooby, who could stop her getting in the top 2. With boobs big enough to have their own gravitational field, Holly bounces in with 34-B's and in the words of Keith Lemon -

Verdict: Smash her back doors in

So the winner, in 1st place, with the only vote of the competition (from me), it's Katy Perry:

Wow. Just wow. In the hands of Russell Brand, Katy is still wearing less than Tom Daley and we all love her for it (apart from her 'Mom' who is said to be disgusted). Sporting a pair of 32-D headlamps, Katy is a worthy winner and receives the 2011 ACTOL National Cleavage Day Award.

Verdict: She kissed a girl and I liked it

Notable absentees from the top 5 include, Christina Hendricks, Megan Fox, Keeley Hazell and, of course, Gemma Atkinson. Oh, and I nearly forgot, in order to not appear sexist, here are the male awards. Unfortunately, we only had one entry for this and I am too disturbed to look for more pictures of men in bras, so without further ado.

ACTOL National Cleavage Day Awards - For Men in Bras

The winner by default, in 1st place, Random Foreign Guy in Bra:

Sporting a multicoloured bra that Joseph from the Bible would be jealous of and sporting a hairy chest envied by gorillas worldwide, this man has somehow won an award. If you can find a more deserved winner of this category, please keep it to yourself as I do not want to be subjected to any more pictures of this kind.

Verdict: I'd rather set my oven to 200 degrees and cook my knob until golden brown, then serve it on a bed of romaine lettuce accompanied by a red wine reduction and let my dog eat it, than go within 100miles of this man.

So that is it for the awards this year. Remember, all comments are welcome and please Tweet and follow if you want to see more.

By Jon Shed with 13 comments

The Budget, More Protests and Upside Down Dogs

As George Osborne walked out the front door of Downing Street with this years Budget, he must've known he would soon be one of the most hated men in the country. Holding the famous battered red briefcase in front of him like it was full of explosives, and looking like a pretentious twat, he took his place in front of the journalists and following Gaddafi's lead, proceeded to ruin the lives of thousands of people. Marches followed in London, with thousands sticking up a defiant middle finger to all the cuts, George Osborne being one of them!

The biggest story to come out of the Budget in my opinion was the rise in alcohol prices. A few months after the VAT rise made pints start costing ridiculous amounts such as £3.07, they have decided to put another 4p duty per pint on top. With 15p increases in the cost of a bottle of wine and a 54p rise on the price of a bottle of spirits, it seems that drowning our sorrows this year could cost that little bit more. As an ex-student, this won't put me off drinking alcohol, it'll probably just stop me spending money on a portion of chips for the stumble home!

With fuel prices dropping by 1p per litre, George Snobsborne seems to have finally done something right, but if you look through the smokescreen, how much will this really save you? After much estimation, pummelling of a calculator and using the full extent of my Maths degree, I have worked out that this cut is saving me a grand total of £0 per year - mainly due to the fact I don't own a car. If you do have a car though, you are inevitably one of the people who gets EXACTLY £20 of petrol...or at least tries to, so you won't really notice a drop in the price as you will still be paying the same price at the pumps. Yes you will get more petrol, about 100ml on average or the equivalent of 3 mini milk ice lollies, but this additional fuel won't even drive you an extra mile!

It's for these reasons, as well as the cuts to the NHS, Police and Military amongst many others, that there was an organised march through London on Saturday evening. The country at large are not happy with the Tories and their lapdog Lib Dem sidekicks making cuts to the core services of our nation. Unemployment is high, jobs are few and far between and The Only Way Is Essex is still on TV. I am worried about the future of this once great nation, and so were thousands of others that took to the streets a few days ago. There were also a couple of hundred people who took to the streets purely to cause trouble and ironically cost thousands in policing that needn't have been spent. They vandalised Trafalgar Square, knocked leaflets on the floor of a branch of Santander and climbed on a roof. To be honest, as far as riots go, we are useless! In the Middle East, riots have led to wars and have forced Mickey Rourke lookalike, Gadaffi, to take his army of attractive female bodyguards with him everywhere he goes. In London, riots have led to 201 people being arrested and David Cameron has gone for a run with a couple of sweaty blokes.

In the style of The One Show, I will now completely change topic with no conceivable link to the previous discussion at all and talk about upside down dogs. Yes, you read that correctly, people are laying their dogs on their back and taking photos of their faces. This makes the dog look like it's smiling, and if I'm completely honest, it's bloody genius! Here's a selection of my favourites (click the image to see it enlarged).

Please follow, comment, tweet, or politely applaud this blog if you've enjoyed the read or even if you didn't, but just liked the pictures of upside down dogs. Thanks.

By Jon Shed with 3 comments

Rebecca Black at Reading Festival and other leaks.

In a week where there is military action in Libya and continued unrest in the Middle East, other big news has just broken. The Leeds and Reading Festival lineup has been leaked and a possible surprise act could be joining it.

There are highly unsubstantiated rumours from a number of unreliable sources today who are claiming Reading and Leeds Festival are jumping on the Rebecca Black bandwagon. They say that Rebecca, 13, who has been an internet 'sensation' with dreadful song 'Friday' is due to headline Friday night at the annual festival in Reading. We have also been informed that fellow headliners, My Chemical Romance, are considering a duet with the California based schoolgirl, but this is yet to be confirmed. It is thought that due to many artists including George Michael, Barry Manilow and Chesney Hawkes, turning down the festival, organisers had been forced to search further afield for a popular act. Although not officially announced yet, and not featured in the leaked line-up due to rumoured ongoing contract negotiations, it is yet to be seen whether or not Rebecca Black would be a hit in the UK on the festival scene...only time will tell.

Confirmed artists in the leaked lineup for the Reading and Leeds festival include other headliners, The Strokes and Muse. Personally I can't decide whether I'd rather listen to the depressing ramblings of Muse or go on holiday to Libya, dressed from head to toe in Ginger Spice's Union Jack dress, screaming "Gadaffi is a bellend" from the rooftops of his palace. This is the extent of my hatred for Muse!

Other artists to play the festivals include Beady Eye (half of Oasis), Pulp, Elbow, 30 Seconds to Mars and Interpol. For the full leaked lineup, see the picture below!

By Jon Shed with 2 comments