Summer is here...kind of.

In the darkest depths of Southern England, an elusive object has today reappeared after going missing for a few months. The Spanish refer to it as el sol, the Germans as die Sonne and the Chinese as 太陽. Yes, you guessed it (though, probably not from the Chinese translation), it's the sun.

This morning, I pulled back my curtains to be greeted by the centre of our Solar System, glimmering through the urban smog. A day after the start of Professor Brian Cox's new series, Wonders of the Universe, centred around the inevitable death of our source of heat, the sun has fought back with it's personal Hayemaker and is clearly not going to disappear without a fight (of about 5 billion years apparently). But, as I dust off my sunglasses, open my window and consider putting my shorts on whilst planning my first BBQ of the year, I realise that I'm actually an optimistic idiot. A quick look on Metcheck tells me I have more chance of making ice lollies this evening than heating up a burger, with it predicted to feel like minus 3 degrees celsius. This won't stop me feeling positive about life today though, the sun is out and everything (and everyone) looks better for it.

With my renewed vigour this morning, I decided to venture to the hairdressers for the inevitable awkward banter that goes along with it. And this morning, I heard this classic:

"Good weekend"

"Yea, not bad. You?"

"Yea, I cooked a nice Lasagna last night"

"Really?"

"Yea"

Then silence, while the hairdresser casually snipped away, not even appearing baffled or knocked back by the randomness of the previous conversation. Not another word was said until the cut was finished and the job of payment was discussed.

On the other hand, my conversation with my hairdresser touched on such issues as getting hit over the head with a traffic cone, snogging a 65 year old women and sitting on your disabled friends lap before rolling down a big hill in his wheelchair. I challenge anyone to find a place where more random conversations take place!

Finally, I have just received the horrifying news that Asda have released a dating website...cleverly named Asda Dating. They say, "Forget speed dating, supermarket dating is where it's at". I haven't fully explored their proposition, but I fail to see how this will work exactly, although I imagine this is what one of their user profiles will look like:

Name: hyperpringle

Age: 21

Favourite Shopping Aisle: 14 - biscuits and sweets

Favourite Food: Asda 'Chosen for You' Steak Pie.

Bio: I'm a young, athletic single man looking for a similar woman who must be interested in shopping and must only shop at Asda. My favourite colour is green (lol the asda logo is green lol).

Ideal First Date: Meet outside my local Asda in the trolley bay, put £1 in the trolley and both commence our weekly shops and then see who can make the most savings over the course of the shop.

If this is what the world is coming too, I can only hope the sun speeds up it's inevitable transformation into a red dwarf and makes the Earth uninhabitable. The shame which would bestow me if aliens invade and discover everyone meets their partners in the fruit and veg aisle of Asda is unimaginable.

By Jon Shed with 3 comments