Have you ever been in the middle of an argument, doing your best to verbally rape your enemy into submission, but instead find yourself metaphorically fumbling around to get your cock out and getting your foreskin caught in your zip? In hindsight, once the heat of the moment has passed and you've managed to prise the tip of your penis from your trouser fastener, you come up with the perfect insult, but it's too late. The moment has passed and the argument has been lost. Malcolm Tucker from BBC comedy In The Loop (a spin off from the TV series, The Thick Of It) has never had such problems. Read and learn:
"You get sarcastic with me again and I will stuff so much cotton wool down your fucking throat it'll come out your arse like the tail on a Playboy bunny"
"Within your 'purview'? Where do you think you are, some fucking regency costume drama? This is a government department, not some fucking Jane fucking Austen novel! Allow me to pop a jaunty little bonnet on your purview and ram it up your shitter with a lubricated horse cock!"
So if you want to get the upper hand in your next verbal battle, I'd highly recommend watching In The Loop. I've attached a video below with Malcolm Tucker in action, it's a must watch.